Today was one of those days. I don't feel worried, but I am wondering how things will turn out. I think I've disguised worry with wonder.
I called my dear friend Earnestine Phillips, as I've often done when I'm stressed. Over the years I've gone to her for so many things. She is always gracious enough to stop whatever she's doing to listen and help. She just knows what to say. She won't listen to a pity party, because there is no need for it. She uplifts me with her words of encouragement and sometimes won't even remember saying it. I truly believe at times He speaks through her.
Today, she emailed me this wonderful clip of Smokey Norful singing Dear God, and saying exactly what I feel in this moment.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
New York In October
Earlier this year I decided to go to New York for the month of October and audition like crazy for next year. I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew, but I am determined to stick to the plan! Years ago, one wouldn't have to go to New York from LA to audition because many theatre companies came here to find talent. Now they hardly come, and if they do they send the c-squad of dog-walking assistants. I'm just tired of waiting to share what I have with them. I'm going there to let them know what they've been missing.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Stay Motivated: A Conversation with Jennifer Beals
There is a musical I really dislike, but there are great parts for me in it. I have auditioned for this show a few times. Everytime I've gone, I've sung my heart out and always new my heart was not even in the building. I'm positive I had that "I hate this show" look on my face. I have tried my best to mask it, but I've felt nothing can make me like these awful songs.
Well, on June 10th I attended an event called Conversations through the Screen Actors Guild Foundation. It's a really great thing they do for members of SAG, AFTRA, and AEA (which I am a proud member of). They screen an upcoming movie or tv show then aftewards they hold a Q&A with some of the actors. This time it was for The Chicago Code and the interview was with Jennifer Beals, who happens to be my favorite actress. My friend Earnestine was very kind and invited me to go with.
I had a wonderful time. The show was great, although it was already cancelled by the time we went. Jennifer was just lovely and very smart. She even answered my question I had so nervously written before the screening and spoke directly to me! I learned a lot from her that day. There was one thing that really struck me as an "aha moment". Someone asked what she did when she felt like quitting. She told her she never felt like quitting or giving up. Then Jennifer went on to say the most profound thing; everytime she auditions she is always happy to be there because she gets to do what she loves to do most. It allows her to share her talent with them if only for a moment. She spoke of how grateful she was to have an opportunity to perform. I actually teared up. I truly understood, but I also felt I'd let myself down. I love being given the chance to show my gifts, but I'm not always excited to go. That moment I knew it holds me back when I don't want to be there. No matter how good I am, it will peek through. In that second I made a choice. I chose to be excited, thrilled, overjoyed, and grateful everytime I am called to perform in any way. Whether it's doing a show for thousands or auditioning to be Tree #3, I will be pumped and motivated.
So, yesterday, I went into that audition room and gave the best audition I've ever given in my life, and that is saying alot! I know I have been spectacular many times in auditions, but this was different. I've never felt so free and connected to any piece I've performed. I left that room knowing I did what I was born to do. I was so present, focused, motivated, and grateful, that I cried when I left.
I don't know yet if I've been chosen, rehearsals won't start until February, but I do know if they don't hire me it's not because I didn't give what was needed. I left there thinking the songs in the show aren't that bad after all.
Well, on June 10th I attended an event called Conversations through the Screen Actors Guild Foundation. It's a really great thing they do for members of SAG, AFTRA, and AEA (which I am a proud member of). They screen an upcoming movie or tv show then aftewards they hold a Q&A with some of the actors. This time it was for The Chicago Code and the interview was with Jennifer Beals, who happens to be my favorite actress. My friend Earnestine was very kind and invited me to go with.
I had a wonderful time. The show was great, although it was already cancelled by the time we went. Jennifer was just lovely and very smart. She even answered my question I had so nervously written before the screening and spoke directly to me! I learned a lot from her that day. There was one thing that really struck me as an "aha moment". Someone asked what she did when she felt like quitting. She told her she never felt like quitting or giving up. Then Jennifer went on to say the most profound thing; everytime she auditions she is always happy to be there because she gets to do what she loves to do most. It allows her to share her talent with them if only for a moment. She spoke of how grateful she was to have an opportunity to perform. I actually teared up. I truly understood, but I also felt I'd let myself down. I love being given the chance to show my gifts, but I'm not always excited to go. That moment I knew it holds me back when I don't want to be there. No matter how good I am, it will peek through. In that second I made a choice. I chose to be excited, thrilled, overjoyed, and grateful everytime I am called to perform in any way. Whether it's doing a show for thousands or auditioning to be Tree #3, I will be pumped and motivated.
So, yesterday, I went into that audition room and gave the best audition I've ever given in my life, and that is saying alot! I know I have been spectacular many times in auditions, but this was different. I've never felt so free and connected to any piece I've performed. I left that room knowing I did what I was born to do. I was so present, focused, motivated, and grateful, that I cried when I left.
I don't know yet if I've been chosen, rehearsals won't start until February, but I do know if they don't hire me it's not because I didn't give what was needed. I left there thinking the songs in the show aren't that bad after all.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Great MS Site
There is a great site called All About MS. It is really informative. They followed me on Twitter one day so I checked them out. Their articles tend to be short, so you won't doze off half way through. There is news about new developments in the effort to cure MS, updates on the goings-on in our community, and many interesting facts on the history of the disease. I never knew "the first records of a disease with MS-like symptoms date from 1400"! As a person with MS, I try to stay as up-to-date as possible. By doing so, I ease my fears. It's good to know the results of any new studies and treatments.
Check them out. You can also like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter.
Check them out. You can also like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
MS Today
MS has me down today. I don't get it. I don't feel bad physically. I'm just feeling sad.
I don't want to understand why. I don't want to research anymore. I don't want to have my eyes checked., see the neurologist, take weekly fucking shots. I'm fucking over it.
But I do want to live.
So I'm going to feel sorry for myself for fifteen more minutes then move the fuck on!
I don't want to understand why. I don't want to research anymore. I don't want to have my eyes checked., see the neurologist, take weekly fucking shots. I'm fucking over it.
But I do want to live.
So I'm going to feel sorry for myself for fifteen more minutes then move the fuck on!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
I'm in Philly!
March 30th with Lyrics Born at The Blockley.
Doors at 7:30.
Skins & Needles at 10.
We're on at 11.
Come thru!
Doors at 7:30.
Skins & Needles at 10.
We're on at 11.
Come thru!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Huey Lewis at Talking Stick Casino Resort in Scottsdale, Arizona March 10, 2011
This is a clip from my first show with Huey Lewis and the News. I'm on the right and my sister is on the left.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
On The Road Again. TOUR DATES!!
I love touring. I went out earlier this year with Lyrics Born for the first part of the As U Were World Tour. We were everywhere there was snow. I've never been so cold in my life! It took the whole month of February for me to thaw out! This run should be warmer. It's almost spring!
I’m going out with Lyrics Born from March 30th to April 14th. I’m also really happy to tell y’all I’m now a back-up singer for Huey Lewis. I’ll be hitting the road with Huey starting March 9th for a few dates here and there ending on April 18th.
"They sleep, we grind." (Big ups to Erykah Badu for that dopeness!)
If I’m in your area, come out and holla at ya gurl!!!!
Here are the Tour Dates and Locations:
Fri Mar 11 Scottsdale, AZ Talking Stick Casino Resort (Private Show for Phoenix Suns)
Sat Mar 12 Las Vegas, NV Green Valley Casino Resort
Sun Mar 13 Cabazon, CA Morongo Casino Ballroom
Fri Mar 18 Hammond, IN The Venue
Sat Mar 19 Milwaukee, WI Bradley Center after Admirals Hockey Game
03/30/11 Lyrics Born Philadelphia, PA The Blockley Pourhouse
04/01/11 Lyrics Born Blacksburg, VA Awful Arthur’s
04/02/11 Lyrics Born Asheville, NC Pisgah Brewery
04/04/11 Lyrics Born Orlando, FL The Social
04/05/11 Lyrics Born Tallahassee, FL Engine Room
04/06/11 Lyrics Born Jacksonville, FL Jack Rabbits
04/07/11 Lyrics Born Atlanta, GA Masquerade – Hell Room
04/08/11 Lyrics Born Huntsville, AL Crossroads
04/09/11 Lyrics Born Jackson, MS Martin’s
04/11/11 Lyrics Born New Orleans, LA One Eyed Jack’s
04/12/11 Lyrics Born Birmingham, AL Zydeco
04/13/11 Lyrics Born Nashville, TN Exit/In
04/14/11 Lyrics Born St. Louis, MO 2720With Huey Lewis:
April 16th through April 18th locations coming soon.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Joy Anne Rhodes Brown
I have not written in a long time. It was a hard year.
The year started rough with my grandmother suffering a stroke and passing away in January. She was loving, funny, and crazy. She was a very unique grandma. I could talk to her about anything and know she would still love me. I'll miss her always.
The year went on with my surgery and healing from it. I realized maybe I waited too long to want a baby. Only time will tell.
The first week of June I went on to have a wonderful birthday.
Thursday, June 10th, I got a 6am call from my mom's home number. I was still asleep so it went to voicemail. When I woke, I immediately jumped in the shower because I was meeting up with Earnestine Phillips and Rachae Thomas to see The Living Voices Anne Frank Show Through The Eyes of a Friend. It was performed for high school students and I was really moved. The show was very well done. I felt so odd though. Anne Frank's story is always sad, but I couldn't recover. I felt so bad afterward. So off. It was strange. Afterward Earnestine, Rachae, and I went to Starbucks to talk about the things we need to get done for our careers and to catch up. I just couldn't shake that awful feeling. I wondered if I was getting sick. I'd never felt anything like it. It was like my chest had a very warm hand on it. I could feel the warmth through to my heart. I felt so sad and uncomfortable. We stayed there for a few hours. Then Earnestine drove me home. I tried to lay down for a while, but it didn't work. I remembered the phone call I'd gotten. I called voicemail and it was my youngest brother Sonny who had called me. He said he'd call me later. I called him instead to see what was up. And it all happened so fast.
Sonny, "Mama is in the hospital."
Me, "What?!? What for? How long has she been in?"
"The doctor just called told me to come there, but he won't tell me why?"
"Okay, Sonny, calm down. Just go. I'm sure it's okay. Are you getting ready to go?"
"I'm trying to get a ride."
"I'm sure everything is okay. Go ahead and call who you need to call then call me back and let me know what's going on. I'm sure it's gonna be alright."
I said that to him, told him it was going to be fine, but I was already screaming in my head. I prayed, "Oh God let her be alright. Oh God, let her be alright. Oh God, let her be alright."
You see, my mother and I had a very difficult relationship, and hadn't been close for a long time. But we talked just two weeks before and it was the best conversation I'd had with her in years. We talked about her life, my life, if I was gonna have kids. She told me how much she loved me and my husband. She said how much she loved my siblings and daddy. She planned on moving to Savannah, GA. Saying how beautiful it was and how it reminded her of Memphis when she was a girl. She said Jaime and I should come visit her there. She was so nice. Our conversation was so easy, so natural. I felt for the first time ever we could be friends. Real friends. Like most mothers are with their grown daughters. I'd never had it, and I'd always wondered what it was like. If this was it, I knew I'd love it. We talked for hours and said goodbye. It was the last time we spoke, although she did call me on my birthday.
Sonny called me back. He was on his way to the hospital. He'd let me know what was going on when he got there. I called my aunt Sis, my grandma's sister, to see if she knew anything. She told me my sister, Pie, and my Aunt Janice, my mama's sister, were on their way to the hospital.
Fifteen minutes later Aunt Sis called back
Sis said, "She's gone."
I said, "Who's Gone?!?"
"Your mama."
"Not my mama! You must be talking about somebody else's mama. You know what? I have to go. I need to call my brothers."
Then I hung up.
I felt calm. But my mind was cracked. I just didn't know it.
I called Jaime and told him to come home from work "RIGHT NOW!" I called my younger brother, Marcus, said I'd come meet him when Jaime got home. Called my older brother, Puncho, who was on stage performing. I told whoever answered to get him off stage. Then I walked in a circle for twenty minutes. I still felt calm. I thought "I'll be okay. I can do this." I went to my neighbors' apartment. When they opened the door I screamed out "My mama died!" and they I fell out on their floor. I cried and screamed and howled and hollered until I couldn't see, couldn't breath, couldn't make another noise. I was broken. And she was gone.
I then realized why I felt so strange earlier. My mama was dying and she touched me. She put her warm hand on my heart and said goodbye. She loved me so much that she made sure to say goodbye to me. To me.
I cannot explain how awful this is. Losing a mama is one thing, but losing her when you hadn't done what you were supposed to do is a whole other thing. I hurt. Everyday.
I am grateful we talked two weeks before. I am thankful for her love. I am thankful for her ways, good and horrid. I am blessed she loved me. And I'm most thankful to realize I loved her back. See I worried if anything ever happened to her I would feel nothing. I am oh so thankful to have been oh so wrong.
Joy Anne Rhodes Brown. She was my Mama. And I loved her.
The year started rough with my grandmother suffering a stroke and passing away in January. She was loving, funny, and crazy. She was a very unique grandma. I could talk to her about anything and know she would still love me. I'll miss her always.
The year went on with my surgery and healing from it. I realized maybe I waited too long to want a baby. Only time will tell.
The first week of June I went on to have a wonderful birthday.
Thursday, June 10th, I got a 6am call from my mom's home number. I was still asleep so it went to voicemail. When I woke, I immediately jumped in the shower because I was meeting up with Earnestine Phillips and Rachae Thomas to see The Living Voices Anne Frank Show Through The Eyes of a Friend. It was performed for high school students and I was really moved. The show was very well done. I felt so odd though. Anne Frank's story is always sad, but I couldn't recover. I felt so bad afterward. So off. It was strange. Afterward Earnestine, Rachae, and I went to Starbucks to talk about the things we need to get done for our careers and to catch up. I just couldn't shake that awful feeling. I wondered if I was getting sick. I'd never felt anything like it. It was like my chest had a very warm hand on it. I could feel the warmth through to my heart. I felt so sad and uncomfortable. We stayed there for a few hours. Then Earnestine drove me home. I tried to lay down for a while, but it didn't work. I remembered the phone call I'd gotten. I called voicemail and it was my youngest brother Sonny who had called me. He said he'd call me later. I called him instead to see what was up. And it all happened so fast.
Sonny, "Mama is in the hospital."
Me, "What?!? What for? How long has she been in?"
"The doctor just called told me to come there, but he won't tell me why?"
"Okay, Sonny, calm down. Just go. I'm sure it's okay. Are you getting ready to go?"
"I'm trying to get a ride."
"I'm sure everything is okay. Go ahead and call who you need to call then call me back and let me know what's going on. I'm sure it's gonna be alright."
I said that to him, told him it was going to be fine, but I was already screaming in my head. I prayed, "Oh God let her be alright. Oh God, let her be alright. Oh God, let her be alright."
You see, my mother and I had a very difficult relationship, and hadn't been close for a long time. But we talked just two weeks before and it was the best conversation I'd had with her in years. We talked about her life, my life, if I was gonna have kids. She told me how much she loved me and my husband. She said how much she loved my siblings and daddy. She planned on moving to Savannah, GA. Saying how beautiful it was and how it reminded her of Memphis when she was a girl. She said Jaime and I should come visit her there. She was so nice. Our conversation was so easy, so natural. I felt for the first time ever we could be friends. Real friends. Like most mothers are with their grown daughters. I'd never had it, and I'd always wondered what it was like. If this was it, I knew I'd love it. We talked for hours and said goodbye. It was the last time we spoke, although she did call me on my birthday.
Sonny called me back. He was on his way to the hospital. He'd let me know what was going on when he got there. I called my aunt Sis, my grandma's sister, to see if she knew anything. She told me my sister, Pie, and my Aunt Janice, my mama's sister, were on their way to the hospital.
Fifteen minutes later Aunt Sis called back
Sis said, "She's gone."
I said, "Who's Gone?!?"
"Your mama."
"Not my mama! You must be talking about somebody else's mama. You know what? I have to go. I need to call my brothers."
Then I hung up.
I felt calm. But my mind was cracked. I just didn't know it.
I called Jaime and told him to come home from work "RIGHT NOW!" I called my younger brother, Marcus, said I'd come meet him when Jaime got home. Called my older brother, Puncho, who was on stage performing. I told whoever answered to get him off stage. Then I walked in a circle for twenty minutes. I still felt calm. I thought "I'll be okay. I can do this." I went to my neighbors' apartment. When they opened the door I screamed out "My mama died!" and they I fell out on their floor. I cried and screamed and howled and hollered until I couldn't see, couldn't breath, couldn't make another noise. I was broken. And she was gone.
I then realized why I felt so strange earlier. My mama was dying and she touched me. She put her warm hand on my heart and said goodbye. She loved me so much that she made sure to say goodbye to me. To me.
I cannot explain how awful this is. Losing a mama is one thing, but losing her when you hadn't done what you were supposed to do is a whole other thing. I hurt. Everyday.
I am grateful we talked two weeks before. I am thankful for her love. I am thankful for her ways, good and horrid. I am blessed she loved me. And I'm most thankful to realize I loved her back. See I worried if anything ever happened to her I would feel nothing. I am oh so thankful to have been oh so wrong.
Joy Anne Rhodes Brown. She was my Mama. And I loved her.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Birthday Week and My Post-Op Appointment
Birthday Week was great! My birthday was Tuesday, June 1st, but I started my birthday week on Wednesday, May 27th. Jaime and I went to Umami Burger on Cahuenga in Hollywood. Jaime had an Umami burger and I had a Pastrami Umami. That ISH was DELISH! We hadn't had beef in a while, but decided to throw caution to the wind this week, and we paid for it dearly! But I'd eat it a million more times!
Thursday my incision was really achy. I think I did to much walking the day before, so I had to chill. I know it won't be until the end of July when I'm completely healed, but I'm over it already. I want to be 100% right now! I did a whole lot of nothing then went to American Girl in Grove to visit with Jaime on his break.
Friday MS crep out of nowhere and had me down. I had an awful migraine, which is a common symptom. I felt like my brain was gonna fall out so I stayed home. When the headache let up I watched An Unfinished Life and Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day over and over again and gave myself a mani/pedi. I also read Grave Sight by Charlaine Harris. My friend Rose Marie called to let me know she was surprising me by coming to LA for my birthday. She was just gonna show up but she knows how I hate surprises and she can't hold water anyway. I felt bad because I'm sure I hurt her feelings. She was so happy and I sounded like I didn't care. I tried my best to sound excited, but my head was hurting so bad it just didn't work. She said she understood, but I could hear the hurt in her voice. She's so sweet, it killed me to upset her.
Saturday I felt like myself again so I went to the Hairspray audition for Theatre Under the Stars (TUTS) I broke it down for them and got an immediate callback. I know Texas summer heat is ferocious, but it would be great to cast in that show. I love that Motormouth Maybelle speaks in all rhymes like Dolomite! One of the casting guys told my how great I looked about five times. While it was very flattering I was thinking, "Okay, I know I look good. It's my job to look good. Do I look good enough to be cast?" YA KNOW!!! I felt really cute afterward so I went to visit Jaime at work. He loves when I visit him while I'm looking fabulous.
Sunday I slept all day so I had to go to the Life Teen mass at 5:30p. It was really terrible. The bad contemporary christian singing is a bit much and the service is always waaay to long. But I truly learned a lot from the homily. It was all about miracles. I felt it was an appropriate topic for my birthday week.
Monday Jaime and I went to the Fiesta Hermosa. We really love Hermosa Beach so we go to this festival every time it comes, which is Memorial and Labor Day weekend. We got up early so we could find parking but the parking lot we usually park in was blocked of this year. I was really irritated because we like to sit on the beach for a couple of hours before we walk around the festival and I knew I wasn't well enough to help carry our towels and such if we had to park far. We drove around for about and hour looking for parking. Finally one of the security guys told us about parking at the high school, then we could take a shuttle to the beach. So we drove there and minimize our beach gear to stuff that would be easy to carry, the hopped on the shuttle. We went straight for the beach. It was such a beautiful day. I luuuurve the beach. We talked, people watched, listened to the waves, and ate our snacks. We sat on the beach for two and a half hours then we decided the walk the festival. It was really great. We took pictures and had fun holding hands and seeing everything. When we walked for about two hours I started to have a lot of pain. I barely made it back to the beach to sit and have rest. Jaime was so worried that he carried all of the beach gear and we made it back to sit. We stayed for an hour more then went home. Even though I was a little uncomfortable because of the surgery, we had a blast. We decided to return to the beach Wednesday when Rosie got here.
Tuesday was my birthday! I love birthdays! They're your own personal Christmas! I went in for my post-op appointment at 10:10. I was running late because it was my birthday and I wanted to look superfly. It turned out to be fine because they were overbooked so I had to wait an hour. I watched the pregnant women and the husbands come and go and thought, "That'll be us next year. Wow." I went in, got weighed, and found out I lost 4 pounds which made the day guaranteed to be great! I saw my OB. She said everyhting looked great. She said we could try to conceive starting the end of July. If we aren't pregnant by December she wants us the see a fertility doctor. I made it clear that I am not interested in taking hormones. Since the fibroids are gone I feel we'll be able to do it on our own.
Jaime took the week off so I would have a great birthday.
Thursday my incision was really achy. I think I did to much walking the day before, so I had to chill. I know it won't be until the end of July when I'm completely healed, but I'm over it already. I want to be 100% right now! I did a whole lot of nothing then went to American Girl in Grove to visit with Jaime on his break.
Friday MS crep out of nowhere and had me down. I had an awful migraine, which is a common symptom. I felt like my brain was gonna fall out so I stayed home. When the headache let up I watched An Unfinished Life and Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day over and over again and gave myself a mani/pedi. I also read Grave Sight by Charlaine Harris. My friend Rose Marie called to let me know she was surprising me by coming to LA for my birthday. She was just gonna show up but she knows how I hate surprises and she can't hold water anyway. I felt bad because I'm sure I hurt her feelings. She was so happy and I sounded like I didn't care. I tried my best to sound excited, but my head was hurting so bad it just didn't work. She said she understood, but I could hear the hurt in her voice. She's so sweet, it killed me to upset her.
Saturday I felt like myself again so I went to the Hairspray audition for Theatre Under the Stars (TUTS) I broke it down for them and got an immediate callback. I know Texas summer heat is ferocious, but it would be great to cast in that show. I love that Motormouth Maybelle speaks in all rhymes like Dolomite! One of the casting guys told my how great I looked about five times. While it was very flattering I was thinking, "Okay, I know I look good. It's my job to look good. Do I look good enough to be cast?" YA KNOW!!! I felt really cute afterward so I went to visit Jaime at work. He loves when I visit him while I'm looking fabulous.
Sunday I slept all day so I had to go to the Life Teen mass at 5:30p. It was really terrible. The bad contemporary christian singing is a bit much and the service is always waaay to long. But I truly learned a lot from the homily. It was all about miracles. I felt it was an appropriate topic for my birthday week.
Monday Jaime and I went to the Fiesta Hermosa. We really love Hermosa Beach so we go to this festival every time it comes, which is Memorial and Labor Day weekend. We got up early so we could find parking but the parking lot we usually park in was blocked of this year. I was really irritated because we like to sit on the beach for a couple of hours before we walk around the festival and I knew I wasn't well enough to help carry our towels and such if we had to park far. We drove around for about and hour looking for parking. Finally one of the security guys told us about parking at the high school, then we could take a shuttle to the beach. So we drove there and minimize our beach gear to stuff that would be easy to carry, the hopped on the shuttle. We went straight for the beach. It was such a beautiful day. I luuuurve the beach. We talked, people watched, listened to the waves, and ate our snacks. We sat on the beach for two and a half hours then we decided the walk the festival. It was really great. We took pictures and had fun holding hands and seeing everything. When we walked for about two hours I started to have a lot of pain. I barely made it back to the beach to sit and have rest. Jaime was so worried that he carried all of the beach gear and we made it back to sit. We stayed for an hour more then went home. Even though I was a little uncomfortable because of the surgery, we had a blast. We decided to return to the beach Wednesday when Rosie got here.
Tuesday was my birthday! I love birthdays! They're your own personal Christmas! I went in for my post-op appointment at 10:10. I was running late because it was my birthday and I wanted to look superfly. It turned out to be fine because they were overbooked so I had to wait an hour. I watched the pregnant women and the husbands come and go and thought, "That'll be us next year. Wow." I went in, got weighed, and found out I lost 4 pounds which made the day guaranteed to be great! I saw my OB. She said everyhting looked great. She said we could try to conceive starting the end of July. If we aren't pregnant by December she wants us the see a fertility doctor. I made it clear that I am not interested in taking hormones. Since the fibroids are gone I feel we'll be able to do it on our own.
Jaime took the week off so I would have a great birthday.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
The Surgery: Part II
The surgery actually took three and a half hours! They almost gave my poor husband a heart attack because no one updated him on my progress. He had a big list of family and friends to call, who happen to be made up of mostly impatient people, and he knew nothing. Just when he had decided to raise the roof, my doctor came out and spoke to him. They originally thought I had three, maybe four fibroids. There were TWENTY THREE! The OB said once she made the first incision, and realized how bad it really was, she decided to slow down the procedure to make sure they could really get everything. There were three fibroids the size of twelve-week pregnancies! I couldn't believe it. I really had been having awful periods and loads of pain, but I never thought it was that bad. I was just happy they didn't have to give me a hysterectomy.
I was in the hospital for four days. The first day was a blur of pain and drugs. The second day was not so bad. The third day I was told if I passed gas I could go home. I have never wanted to fart so bad in my life! The pain was incredible! I felt like I had gas in my eyebrows. It was awful. Finally the next morning I took care of that and was sent home.
I have to say when you get married you promise to love and cherish, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, but you never realize that means you have to take a poop with your husband, who you're still embarrased to pass gas in front of, holding your hand! Jaime is a soldier! He never faltered. If he ever slept, I didn't see it. While I was in the hospital and after I was home, if I made the smallest noise, he was there. If I needed a sip of water, he was ready with the straw. If I had to use the bathroom at 3am, he was awake and ready to help me out of bed. I knew he loved me, but I'm still blown away by the amount of love he's shown me. I wouldn't have made it through this rough time with out him. He is the best. And I love him.
It has been five weeks now. My incision looks great! As long as I never get a brazilian wax, Jaime will never notice it. Tomorrow is my post-op appointment and my birthday! It should be a great day.
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Sunday, May 30, 2010
The Surgery: Part I
As I told you earlier. I was a bit upset the week before my surgery. I was really worried things would go wrong. Surprisingly, on the morning of, I was completely calm. I had no thoughts of doom or gloom. I pray all of the time. I just asked if HE would take away the feeling of dread, and HE did. Jaime and I talked and laughed while we waited for the OB to come. He was doing his best to be strong, but it was working. While I was blanketed under the Lord's power of calm, my poor husband looked like he was the one going under the knife. He literally turned green!
When my OB/GYN finally came into pre-op she told us the surgery would take one and a half to two hours. She assured Jaime that she would take care of me. In so many words, he assured her there was not a crack in hell she could hide in if she didn't. So in my SEXY gown, I went in for the removal of my fibroids. (I wonder why fibroids plague so many black women?) I kissed my "green" husband, and was wheeled into the OR. I only remember oxygen being applied to my face, a ten minute nap, and waking up to a look of relief on my husband's face.
When my OB/GYN finally came into pre-op she told us the surgery would take one and a half to two hours. She assured Jaime that she would take care of me. In so many words, he assured her there was not a crack in hell she could hide in if she didn't. So in my SEXY gown, I went in for the removal of my fibroids. (I wonder why fibroids plague so many black women?) I kissed my "green" husband, and was wheeled into the OR. I only remember oxygen being applied to my face, a ten minute nap, and waking up to a look of relief on my husband's face.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
PLEASE DON'T FEED THE BEARS!
I had my Myomectomy on April 28th. My check in time was 10:30am. Well, y'all know how you can't eat after midnight the day of your surgery. I was cool with it. The stomach was rumbling, but I was dealing. Jaime was nice enough to not eat in front of me that morning. We made our way to Kaiser and we were actually on time. We went to the pre-op waiting room to check in and wait. I guess it was alot of surgeries that day because it was packed. The woman sitting across from us had her whole family there. She was in her early sixties and beautiful. She smiled at me because we were both rocking "surgery cornrows". (You still need to maintain your sexy even when you're recovering!) When her grandsons came to join the rest of the family, they brought two big bags of Del Taco with them. Now normally the smell of "Del Crapo", as my husband calls it, turns my stomach, but today I felt like busting them in the head and running off with both bags. I mean fo real yo! Hello! You are in a waiting room full of people who haven't eaten in half a day! It was like 'Night of the Living Dead' and we all wanted brains! FINALLY they called me to the back so I could get undress and put on the ULTRA-SEXY hospital gown. Thank goodness! I was about to commit a crime!
Friday, April 23, 2010
I'm freaked.
I'm having a myomectomy Wednesday. The OB just told me if I excessively bleed, they may have to give me a hysterectomy to save my life. This has really upset me. I'm here in the lab, waiting for my blood to be drawn, trying not to cry. Now my logical mind is saying "Get it together! She has to tell you this so they won't get sued if it happens. It is the worse case scenario. It probably won't be close to that serious." My illogical mind is saying "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! I have just signed away my uterus!" It may seem crazy, but I'm freaked!
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