There is a musical I really dislike, but there are great parts for me in it. I have auditioned for this show a few times. Everytime I've gone, I've sung my heart out and always new my heart was not even in the building. I'm positive I had that "I hate this show" look on my face. I have tried my best to mask it, but I've felt nothing can make me like these awful songs.
Well, on June 10th I attended an event called Conversations through the Screen Actors Guild Foundation. It's a really great thing they do for members of SAG, AFTRA, and AEA (which I am a proud member of). They screen an upcoming movie or tv show then aftewards they hold a Q&A with some of the actors. This time it was for The Chicago Code and the interview was with Jennifer Beals, who happens to be my favorite actress. My friend Earnestine was very kind and invited me to go with.
I had a wonderful time. The show was great, although it was already cancelled by the time we went. Jennifer was just lovely and very smart. She even answered my question I had so nervously written before the screening and spoke directly to me! I learned a lot from her that day. There was one thing that really struck me as an "aha moment". Someone asked what she did when she felt like quitting. She told her she never felt like quitting or giving up. Then Jennifer went on to say the most profound thing; everytime she auditions she is always happy to be there because she gets to do what she loves to do most. It allows her to share her talent with them if only for a moment. She spoke of how grateful she was to have an opportunity to perform. I actually teared up. I truly understood, but I also felt I'd let myself down. I love being given the chance to show my gifts, but I'm not always excited to go. That moment I knew it holds me back when I don't want to be there. No matter how good I am, it will peek through. In that second I made a choice. I chose to be excited, thrilled, overjoyed, and grateful everytime I am called to perform in any way. Whether it's doing a show for thousands or auditioning to be Tree #3, I will be pumped and motivated.
So, yesterday, I went into that audition room and gave the best audition I've ever given in my life, and that is saying alot! I know I have been spectacular many times in auditions, but this was different. I've never felt so free and connected to any piece I've performed. I left that room knowing I did what I was born to do. I was so present, focused, motivated, and grateful, that I cried when I left.
I don't know yet if I've been chosen, rehearsals won't start until February, but I do know if they don't hire me it's not because I didn't give what was needed. I left there thinking the songs in the show aren't that bad after all.
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